With this piece of writing, I wanted to touch upon a huge struggle that I, as fat person, go through.
I've always struggled with standing in front of a crowd, which is normal for most people. However, my reasoning is due to the fact that it allows people to see how actually huge I am.
Not many people want to be caught staring at someone. But when it comes to events where the main focus is on one person, people have the perfect reason to stare. Instead of paying attention to what the person is singing, people are too busy analyzing the person's body. I brought up the term beauty pageant because it's the perfect description of it. When I say, "But this is a beauty pageant that aren't going to win", it's due to the fact that people will look at us in a negative light.
For example, I was a family gathering where we happened to be watching an award show. Mary Lambert was performing with Macklemore and my uncle said, "Wow look at the size of her! Her arms are disgustingly huge." She was singing her heart out and showing the world how beautiful her voice is, but all he was able to notice was the size of her arms.
This is something that's been on my mind due to the fact that I'll be participating in the State Competition for Poetry Out Loud. All I've been able to think about is that while I'm reciting poetry, all they'll be able to notice is how big my stomach is. Some people won't be able to tell whether or not if my performance was good or bad, they'll only be able to think to themselves, "Wow this girl is huge. I can't believe how much someone can lack of self control."